After Hours Faire Songs

These are the naughty songs that you should never sing during faire hours. If you do, don't come running to me.

Opening Parade Song (Revised)

Awake, awake, my head doth ache
The privies overflow
Go grab an ale
Pull up a bale
And watch the f***ing show


Closing Parade Song (Revised)

Good actors rest your weary voices
Put your props away
Good travelers to the parking lot
You're broke till your next pay day
As the Faire doth come to a close
We long to get out of these clothes
As the sun retreats to it's lair
You people get the f*** out of our Faire


Faire Boogers

Adapted from Mason Williams' "Toad Suckers"

How 'bout them faire boogers, ain't they nasty?
Black sticky mucous dust, lumpy and pasty.
Oversized snot balls than hang from people's honkers
Spongy and deformed like Dolly Parton's knockers.
How 'bout them faire boogers, ain't they chewy?
Cancerous crusty clots, runny and gooey.
Mangled bits of banger grease stuffin' up your nose
Crater sized mung like the stuff between your toes.
Wanna rid yourself of faire boogers? Don't have to holler.
Lean your head on back and just give a swoller


Sold My Soul to the Renaissance Faire

I once was a turkey and what would you bet
I registered here without a regret
I paid my money now I declare
I owe my soul to the Renaissance Faire

They give you a thing called a reckoning card
Taking those classes can not be too hard
You have your teachers sign here and there
For they sold their souls to the Renaissance Faire

After that reckoning card is all filled
You gotta find a thing what they call a guild
But if you're a "boothie" you need not care
For you've sold your souls to the Renaissance Faire

You join a guild and you're on the move
Now you gotta get that ol' costume approved
We stitched our costumes with the greatest care
For we sold our souls to the Renaissance Faire

Now we're rehearsing for opening day
Speaking in a language called B.F.A.
So in period we know how to swear
For we sold our souls to the Renaissance Faire

The Faire now opens for the Renaissance scene
Shouting our "Huzzahs!" and "God Save the Queen"
Until we are hoarse with a glassy-eyed glare
For we sold our souls to the Renaissance Faire

The Faire then closes and we pack up our stuff
We're swearing to ourselves that we've had enough
But we'll do it again if we knew when and where
For we sold our souls to the Renaissance Faire


Originally created 24 February 1995
by Gary Kephart